I Wanted to Like this Movie

I wanted to like Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I really did. But, like so many Lucas properties of late, it got too cutsie. I would review the film, but I can't bring myself to go over its tedious childishness. Perhaps I have grown up since eighth grade, when Indy was last on the screen. I guess nothing could match what I had hoped for.

All I want to say about Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is that I think Spielberg and Lucas had a conversation that went something like this:

Lucas: I want Jar Jar Binks.
Spielberg: I'll give you gophers.
Lucas: I want Ewoks.
Spielberg: I'll give you monkeys.
Lucas: I want a tiny extra terrestrial duck named Howard.
Spielberg: I'll hit Shia LaBeouf in the balls with cacti and we can name him Mutt.
Lucas: I want a Death Star.
Spielberg: I'll give you a nuclear blast for no reason. But it will look really cool.
Lucas: I want X-wings.
Spielberg: You'll get a fridge.

I would also like to point out that James bond movies started getting bad around the fourth installment, Thunderball. While Thunderball was an excellent spy movie and among my favorite action films of all-time, it was the first where the gadgets, girls and grandeur started to get out of hand. Connery went on to do two more Bond films which each grew more tedious. The series then quickly slid into self-parody with the soft, bereft-looking, wide-eyed layabout Roger Moore taking over the part.

Now there is talk of the soft, bereft-looking, wide-eyed layabout Shia LaBeouf inheriting the part of Indiana Jones. Think about it.